Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize