Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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