Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You ruined the universe
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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