i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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