Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
