i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
