Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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