what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
