hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize