I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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