I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
