I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
