Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
