I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
