She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
