Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
