We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
