i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize