The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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