dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
