I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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