i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
