My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
