I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
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You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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