Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
