We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
