it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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