Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
