The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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