she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
