That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
