Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
