There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
