Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
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My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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