3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
