The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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