its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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