my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
