Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
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just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
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I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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