thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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