I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
