a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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