I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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