True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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