Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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