Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
