just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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