yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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