i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
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I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
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put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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