well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
