Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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