piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
