1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
