I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
