fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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