You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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