1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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