Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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