Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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