I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
