It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
