Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
